If you’re the type of person who'd rather hunker down at your desk with headphones on than make small talk by the coffee machine, making friends at work can feel like a Herculean task. For introverts or those prone to social anxiety, the idea of “office friendships” might even sound unnecessary. Why connect when you can just focus on your work, right?

But workplace friendships aren’t just good for morale; they’re good for your career. Research shows having a work buddy can make your job more enjoyable and even boost productivity. Plus, a supportive coworker can make long days feel a little sunnier. If you’re a self-proclaimed wallflower, don’t worry. You don’t need to pretend to be an extrovert to form meaningful connections. Here's how to ease into it without feeling out of your depth.

1. Shift Your Perspective on Connection

Before tackling how to approach others, reframing how you think about making friends at work will help you get over the fear aspect. A common fear among introverts is that reaching out will make them seem pushy or awkward. Sometimes, it’s easier to convince yourself that you're “fine” without those relationships.

But here’s the truth, connection doesn’t have to mean constant socializing; it’s about building mutual trust and camaraderie. Start small by rethinking friendships as professional allies who can make your workday easier and more enjoyable. Viewing connection as a practical and positive benefit (rather than a daunting obligation) can make the idea less overwhelming.

2. Start with One-on-One Interactions

For many introverts, group dynamics can feel intimidating. Instead of jumping into lunch outings or after-work happy hours, focus on getting to know one person at a time.

  • Target Low-Stakes Opportunities: Is there a colleague you often email or collaborate with? The next time you cross paths in person, smile and ask them how their project is going. Keeping it context-specific makes the conversation feel natural.
  • Use What You Already Have in Common: If you’re working on the same team or tasks, that shared ground is an easy conversation starter. “What did you think of that client call?” or “Have you tried using [specific tool] for this? I found it really helpful.”

One-on-one conversations are less likely to overwhelm, and they give you space to focus on genuinely getting to know someone.

3. Use “Light” Social Moments to Your Advantage

You don’t need to be the life of the (office) party to build connections. Look for smaller, low-pressure moments where socializing feels natural and brief. These micro-moments chip away at the wall between you and your colleagues.

  • Say Hello in Passing: A simple “Good morning” as you walk to your desk or a “Have a great evening” as you leave is a tiny effort that helps you feel more visible and approachable.
  • Join the Coffee Queue Socially: Don’t just idle silently in the break room. Comment on the coffee machine acting up, or ask, “Do you know if there are more teas in the supply closet?” These neutral topics ease you into interaction without feeling like a big social demand.
  • Mention Weekend Happenings: “I watched [popular show/movie] this weekend—have you seen it?” Casual remarks like these are great for finding shared interests and sparking conversations.

Small gestures like these create a friendly baseline and make it easier to deepen relationships over time.

4. Use Observation to Find Common Ground

If starting conversations feels like a chore, observation can be a powerful tool for breaking the ice. Pay attention to details about your coworkers; what they talk about, what’s on their desks, or what they bring for lunch. These can all be windows into conversational opportunities.

  • Sports Memorabilia on Their Desk? Try, “Are you a big [team] fan? Did you catch their game?”
  • Favorite Mug in Hand? Say, “I like that mug! Is it from somewhere special?”
  • Coworker Mentions a Workout Class? Ask, “What kind of workouts are you into? I’m looking for something new.”

People enjoy talking about their interests, and showing curiosity is an easy, low-pressure way to start a conversation and establish rapport.

5. Be Honest About Your Social Energy

If you feel panicked about constantly having to “perform” socially, remember that you can set boundaries around your energy. Building connections doesn’t mean you have to be “on” all the time, nor should it come at the expense of your well-being.

When you need a moment to recharge, it’s okay to take breaks from group interactions without withdrawing entirely. For instance:

  • If you need quiet time, you can step away for lunch solo one day and join a group another day when you feel more up for it.
  • Don’t force chitchat when you’re deeply focused—simply nod and smile if a coworker passes by.

Balancing connecting with protecting your energy not only helps you stay true to yourself, but also prevents social burnout.

6. Be Patient and Consistent

Building meaningful friendships takes time, and some coworkers might not “click” with you immediately. Don’t rush the process. Workplace friendships often unfold organically as you interact more through tasks, meetings, or casual encounters.

Consistency is key. Keep showing your willingness to engage in small moments of connection. A shared laugh over an awkward Zoom malfunction or a casual chat about the office pet policy can lay the foundation for a deeper rapport.

And remember, it’s not about quantity. A few good relationships are more valuable (and manageable) than being everyone’s best friend.

7. Offer Help When Possible

One of the easiest ways to foster goodwill and deepen connections is to lend a helping hand when you can. Whether it’s sharing a piece of useful knowledge, setting up equipment for a meeting, or simply saying, “I’m here if you need something with that tricky spreadsheet,” these small acts of kindness can go a long way.

When you’re seen as approachable and genuinely helpful, colleagues will naturally gravitate toward you. It’s a subtle way of forging connections without feeling like you’re forcing social interaction.