Parenting is a beautiful, life-changing experience. But let’s be honest: kids require a significant amount of time and energy, which can leave little room for the romance that initially brought you and your partner together. Suddenly, conversations center around school pick-ups and bedtimes instead of dreams and desires, and date nights seem like distant memories. It’s a common story, but one that doesn’t have to end with a dimming spark.

If you've found that parenting responsibilities are getting in the way of your connection as a couple, take comfort in knowing you’re not alone, and that there are ways to reignite intimacy despite the demands of family life. Here’s how to get started.

Acknowledge the Reality Without Judgment

First, it’s important to accept where you and your partner are without shame or blame. Parenting is exhausting, and the endless cycle of responsibilities can leave little energy for the more romantic parts of life. If you’re feeling disconnected, remind yourself that this is a natural phase for many couples with kids.

Instead of framing this as a “problem” with your relationship, think of it as an opportunity to recalibrate. By acknowledging the reality with empathy—for both yourself and your partner—you create a space for teamwork. You’re not against each other; you’re navigating a challenge together.

Prioritize Time for Each Other

Time is a finite resource, and kids often take a big chunk of it. But that doesn’t mean you can’t carve out moments for your relationship. The truth is, romance doesn’t have to be elaborate to be meaningful.

Start small. Can you have coffee together once the kids are off to bed? Could you reconnect over a 10-minute chat while folding laundry? Set realistic goals for spending intentional time together, even during busy seasons of life.

If you can, consider scheduling regular date nights just the two of you. This doesn’t have to mean fancy dinners or expensive outings; it could be as simple as taking a walk together while a relative or sitter watches the kids. The key is to make it consistent and intentional.

Share Responsibilities

One major obstacle to romance is the physical and mental exhaustion that comes with parenting. If one partner is shouldering the bulk of childcare and household tasks, resentment and fatigue are bound to creep in, and neither of those is conducive to intimacy.

Take a step back and evaluate how responsibilities are divided. Are there ways to better share the load? Could you adjust routines to make space for each other? Even small changes, like dividing bedtime duties or alternating who packs lunches, can reduce stress and free up energy for connection.

Also, don’t hesitate to lean on your village if you have one—whether it’s family, friends, or a trusted babysitter. Accepting help isn’t a failure; it’s an investment in your relationship.

Rekindle Physical Intimacy

For many couples, physical intimacy can fall to the wayside when kids come into the picture. Exhaustion, interrupted sleep, and the never-ending to-do list can make sex feel like another demand rather than a source of connection. It’s also common for one partner to have a lower sex drive during certain seasons, especially after childbirth or while managing the chaos of young kids.

The first step is to communicate openly—and compassionately—about where each of you stands. Start with simple questions like, “How are you feeling about intimacy lately?” or “Is there anything I can do to make you feel closer to me?”

From there, work together to find ways to reintroduce physical connection gently. This could mean cuddling more often, holding hands, or simply spending time being affectionate without expectations. Rebuilding intimacy is a process (not a quick fix) and it’s important to approach it with patience and care.

Bring Back the Fun

One of the most underrated aspects of romance is laughter. Remember those inside jokes and playful moments that brought you and your partner closer in the early days of your relationship? They haven’t disappeared; they’ve just taken a backseat to parenting logistics.

Make it a goal to reintroduce fun into your relationship. Could you watch a silly movie together after the kids go to bed? Cook a new (and maybe slightly ridiculous) recipe as a team? Create a Spotify playlist of songs that remind you of your first dates?

These moments of shared joy lower stress and remind you of the partnership that existed before “Mom” and “Dad” became your primary roles.

Practice Gratitude

Parenting can make it easy to focus on what’s going wrong rather than what’s going right. But shifting your perspective can make a big difference in how you feel toward your partner.

Make gratitude a daily practice—either privately or aloud. Notice and appreciate the small ways your partner contributes, whether it’s how they read bedtime stories or the fact that they always make your morning coffee. Sharing these observations not only strengthens your bond but also creates a positive atmosphere that helps romance flourish.

Have Realistic Expectations

Finally, understand that romance may not look exactly like it did before you had kids—and that’s okay. The stolen kisses in the kitchen while the kids are screaming for snacks might not feel as glamorous as the long dinners you used to have, but they’re just as meaningful.

Instead of longing for the past, focus on creating a new version of romance that works for your life now. Intimacy isn’t about grand gestures; it’s about the connection and love that underpins the everyday moments.

Kids can add an entirely new dimension to a marriage, bringing joy, purpose, and yes, plenty of challenges. But just because parenting steers the focus away from romance doesn’t mean the spark is gone—it just needs a little nurturing.